I am going to start with a belief that we did come to a conclusion from the previous post which talked about feeling the pain. We need to feel the emotional pain, in order to heal, to lead a healthy, balanced life.
As Shirin beautifully described it in our forum, “ Pain like any other emotion needs to be felt and lived through, for it to heal. Not facing it is equivalent to sweeping the dirt under the carpet…it may be hidden for a while, but under the layers it festers and the psychosomatic symptoms reveal themselves as mood swings, depression or even cancer at the physical level. Every emotion needs to be dealt with not pushed aside.”
Another relevant reason to feel the pain, which emerged from a discussion on this same topic is:
If you decide not to feel the pain, you end up developing an avoidant personality. You start filling your emptiness and void with negative choices like substance abuse, gambling etc.
Now, the next question is, if we are ready to feel it, how do we live with this painful emotion?
The first major step in starting this process is ACCEPTANCE. You’ve to accept there is a problem which is causing a negative, unbearable emotion inside you. Without acceptance no other steps could be taken. It is a crucial step because it requires a lot of courage to understand that there are things under this sun which is not under your control but at the same time this process of acceptance is liberating and empowering.
One thing which we can call as the golden rule and need to remember for most of the processes, we discuss here is : Process is something which needs to be worked on an everyday basis. It is not something which can be fixed and kept and acceptance is one of them. Once you’ve started the process of acceptance you actually get in the process of healing.
With acceptance comes the desire to grow, to change for the betterment. You start looking for answers and solutions. The moment we see our pain and feel it, we start living with it. Does that mean I am not doing anything just going through a sad phase?
Actually no, You’re working on your pain by living it and also sometimes by that you are able to the start the process of ” Let Go”. You no longer become scared or uneasy by the word pain which in turn make you live life to its fullest.
Karrie quoted Osho, ”You are sad. Go into your sadness rather than escaping into some activity, into some occupation, rather than going to see a friend or to a movie or turning on the radio or the tv. Rather than escaping from it, turning your back towards it, drop all activity. Close your eyes, go into it, see what it is, why it is — and see without condemning it, because if you condemn you will not be able to see the totality of it. See without judging. If you judge, you will not be able to see the whole of it. Without judgment, without condemnation, without evaluation, just watch it, what it is. Look as if it is a flower, sad; a cloud, dark; but look at it with no judgment so that you can see all the facets of it. And you will be surprised: the deeper you go into it, the more it starts dispersing. If a person can go into his sorrow deeply he will find all sorrow has evaporated. In that evaporation of sorrow is joy, is bliss.”
I found this great piece on internet. It talks about how to live you pain in a constructive way.
Emotional Pain is a three-pronged approach to being with pain fully. These three prongs included:
Responsibility – How do I respond to pain? The goal here is to respond to pain with honesty, loving acceptance, and soft openness.
Accountability – How am I accounting for my response to pain?
Being accountable for pain is the next step. This means to account for it or to report about it. In other words, really looking closely at how you are with your own pain or the pain of others.
Keeping Presence – Learning to open to pain and staying present with pain moment by moment. Pain is soothed so quickly with simple, open, Presence. The key here is to completely drop defenses and make sure that you interpret pain as simply pain.
I would like to end this post with a poem written by Glenn Johnson, a beautiful way to summarize our whole discussion;
Poem I recently wrote about pain in male female love relationships.
WOMEN AND MEN
Thousands of miles away.
Hearts crossing oceans of memories.
A new beginning,
Reality or dream . . .
Have we crossed the universe for this chance meeting . . .
What a challenging journey . . .
An ancient history of dreams dreamed then shattered . . .
Lessons of the heart. . .
Joyful expectations of soul intertwining with soul. . .
As naked limbs intertwine with naked limbs in ecstasy. . .
Something gained, something lost, only the heart truly knows. . .
Joyful beginning. . .
Then slow piercing of the heart. . .
Loss of trust. . .
Loss of respect. . .
Loss of love. . .
Why the existence pain. . .
Pain, cruel burden of humanity. . .
God’s punishment for our sins. . .
I know not. . .
I know that pain is not for us to suffer. . .
Pain is God’s gift to us all. . .Peculiar idea. . .
I know not. . .
Humans, go ahead, take all pain from the world and you are lost forever. . .
Pain tells us we are being mistreated. . .
Pain in the face of others says we are doing harm. . .
Pain reminds us of the place we buried our hurt. . . Pain guides us to what we must heal. . .
The maniac, the Hitler, the serial murder knows no pain. . .
When the challenge of pain is denied by us, again we are lost. . .
Pain is God’s gift to us all. . .
It is our salvation. . .
God is truly awesome. . .
Our pain leads us to God’s healing of perfect eternal love. . .
Love leads us to compassion, wishing no one harm or pain. . .
In time, we feel agony and now we know to accept God’s love is to heal our pain.
- Addressing Emotional Pain #2 – Tools (fergiemoto.wordpress.com)
- Addressing Emotional Pain #2 – Tools (thinhealthyandlovingit.wordpress.com)