From the desk of a psychologist!

Archive for March 12, 2012

Feel the Pain

Let me introduce you to Tina. She is a perfectly healthy person, lively & someone whom we can easily relate to.

Now, the one thing which Tina has done to herself, over the years is distance herself from the mental state called “emotional pain” .Your question is going to be how? What Tina did, was from her childhood, she understood one thing that pain is a negative emotion. It leaves a lot of discomfort and uneasiness. So, when there used to be a situation in which she had to feel pain, she used to disconnect herself from it. Gradually, she reached a point where even if she wants to go through the pain she can’t because she has forgotten this whole emotion. She has started living in a fantasy world with no pain.

Obviously, your next thought is going to be : What’s wrong with it? She is living in a happy world.

Actually it is good to be happy but only if you’ve processed your feelings. If you have problems and you ignore them, as if they never existed, that is not going to make them disappear. It is only going to make you start living in a delusional world. The same happens when you run away from pain. We, humans are always looking for happiness and never ever take a back step to feel it, then why this fear of feeling pain?

Switching off your emotional pain receptors are not going to solve your problems. It will make the situation worse because there will be no insight of your real emotions. You’ll lose track with the real world. If there will be no acceptance of pain, there will not be any steps also taken towards mending it. Your emotional equilibrium will go out of your hands and then the appropriate reactions to situations will also be hampered.

We talk about being a caring and empathetic person but if you can’t feel a certain emotion, how could you help a loved one deal with the same. Tina really can’t help her friend, who is going through the pain of breakup, though she wants to. She herself doesn’t know how to deal with it, let alone help her friend. She is in a fix.

What I am trying to say here is whenever you go through the downs of life, let it be, feel the pain. It will make you stronger and emotionally healthier. A good way to express your pain could be:

In the end I want to say that we need to remember that our life is in phases. No emotion is going to stay with you forever. If you are going through pain right now, it is fine. Feel it and let you grow…This too shall pass!

Next Step: Live the Pain!

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