From the desk of a psychologist!

Relationship: is an association between two or more people that may range from fleeting to enduring. This is a definition I got from the internet which actually describes the crux of relationships, but as an individual surrounded by it, we know it is not this simple.

“The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships. “- Anthony Robbins.

In other words, our relationships make us, who we really are! I have read somewhere this amazing comparison; Just as ants make anthills, human beings makes relationships.

All of us crave to make the most of each and every relationship in our life; be it a friend, coworker, family or a loved one. We try and try, most of the time oblivious to what exactly we are working on?      

We work really hard on different relationships and our roles in them. We try to be or get the best possible outcome from these relationships. It is what makes our support system, gives us strength to deal with life issues and be sane. But, have we ever wondered what is the source of having what we call as ‘Ideal Relationship’ ?

As I have already shared, It begins with You!

For the success of any relationship, we need to begin from within. Have you ever even considered a possibility of a relationship with yourself?

Working on our inner turbulence, the miscommunications and disparity of thoughts within ourselves. Have you ever heard more than one voice coming from inside you and sometimes it has reached to a level of chaos? Is there a problem cropping up in your relationships, which reappears even after great effort from your behalf? Are your relationships making you emotionally exhausted and you find yourself craving for space?

If these questions make you stop & think, then it is the time to reflect on your relationship with yourself.

Is this even makes sense because if we go by the definition, it clearly states that a relationship is only possible when more than one person is involved. But, let’s look at where is all this originating from? Isn’t it from a relationship we have so far conveniently ignored?

The way we treat ourselves, if someone else treats us even 1/10oth of that, we would kill that person! We have never given ourselves equal rights, let alone the privilege of a relationship. Imagine someone you won’t even give a second glance, you actually place yourself in the same category.

You are seeking answers in this world but the truth is, it lies within yourself. You’ll listen to anyone and everyone but would certainly make your inner voice shut.

Let’s get back to the Serenity Prayer, the only thing which we can change in this world is ourselves but sadly we spend most of our lives changing others. We keep on doing so ignoring the need to work on the relationship which could yield results.

Break the dynamics of any relationships ( as also shown in the picture) and you would find that the things which need to be worked on to achieve optimal relationship status is a quality you either need to change or inculcate.

Let’s give it a try. Start building relationship with oneself. Take some time out…Say hello to yourself. Let the journey begin!

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with. “-  Wayne W. Dyer

Comments on: "Relationship : What makes it work?" (16)

  1. […] Relationship : What makes it work? ( 54.978252 -1.617780 Share this:TwitterFacebookEmailLinkedInLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. This entry was posted in Behaviour change and tagged Anger, Energy, Health, Interpersonal relationship, Marriage, People, Relationship, Relationships by thethinkingroomcoach. Bookmark the permalink. […]

  2. Yulia said:

    I suppose, this is just a beginning to a series of posts on relationships 🙂 I would really like to read continuation to this 🙂

    There is one sentence I’d like to disagree with: “In other words, our relationships make us, who we really are!”
    I’d say that our relationships can influence us, but they don’t form us, it’s our inner selves that are supposed to make our relationships! But I do agree with you that to be able to make our relationships successful, we first need to come in terms with ourselves. Until and unless there is stability and clarity inside, we can’t hope for the same with other people.

    • unwrappingminds said:

      Thank you for the feedback Yulia! If you have some specific angle of relationship in mind, please do share it.
      I have seen relationships transforming the whole personality. I appreciate your take on it.

      • Yulia said:

        You know, I strongly believe that it is us who are supposed to form and change the relationships. Our inner self should be so strong that other people could only influence us in a positive way. If relationships help us move forward, fight our weaknesses, become better human beings then they are inspiring, beneficial and are meant to be. But how many times do we see cases around us when once lively, enthusiastic people become irritated, reactive, full of sarcasm. How often chatty, sociable people become quiet, introverted, lifeless, suppressed by the relationships they are involved in. Isn’t it completely wrong?

  3. Sure, the journey of building relationships begins from within and grows without . However, within there happens to be a labyrinth created by perceptual knowledge of dynamics of relationships and classification of good/bad ones(based on the relationships we see around us from childhood on wards). Expectations we have ,and, how often we realize those, from our own selves and from people we wish to relate to becomes an important factor in determining the quality and strength of relationship we build. sadly, though these expectations become an impediment in the building blocks of relationship, a weak link .

    Expectations make us transact , I want to be cared for, loved and appreciated , I say and do what is expected of me , with a singular objective of building fruitful relationships . Everyone around is also toiling with the same idea . Beyond a certain point we all lose awareness of our own selves leave alone others . Its like running around in the labyrinth having forgotten the aim , that is to let our selves out. Unconsciously we only negotiate and transact , with a false belief that we are building relationships. We forget simple things in our endeavour to tackle the complex ones. Like the gardener in pursuit of getting exotic variety of fruit imports the best , most expensive technology , and in the rigmarole of it all gets more attached to the technology and the idea of producing the best , forgets to caress the plant .

    We strain our ears to hear what others say about us , and our own voice seems to be noise that we constantly keep shutting up . Others in our vicinity are also struggling to do the same. Thus what we create is a big vacuum , deadly stillness , no communication .
    The inner voice says smile , extend your hand , human touch is the simplest yet most pleasurable experience we can give to ourselves and others . Alas , it drowns in the cacophony , is it correct, is it appropriate , should I wait for him/her to do so first , why should I make the first move, will it do any good to any of us…. Unknowingly we form patterns , set and governed by socio-economic factors , similar set of actions resulting in predetermined reactions .

    At conscious level, we can break these patterns . Relationships are in my opinion devoid of expectations , rest all are transactions. If I connect with myself , accept, acknowledge my strengths and weaknesses with equal ease, similarly do so with others . Derive so much pleasure in walking along that destination becomes the starting point to another travel , now that’s what is a relationship .

    • unwrappingminds said:

      Beautiful Deepshikha! Expectations: Makes or breaks us. I liked the way you talked about enjoying the journey, forgetting about the destination. One area we all need to work on as we get consumed with the outcome.

  4. Dr.vk sharma said:

    Nice and compreheded interpretation for relationship.
    Ultimately every relation depends on expectations (Attachment to subject) and, only and only every relationship can EXIST by detachment to subject and this process could be not only theoretical but also practical of any type of best psychotherapy and introspection.

  5. another definition of relationship is : Each is a relationship between two or more persons to meet the need of emotional or social, or achieve the goal of economic or educational or cultural or military , so to make strongest relationship at first with your self then with others you must beliefs in your self and your skills .

  6. […] Source – Click Here to read the rest of the original article to find out what the biggest relationship problems are and some professional advice on how to handle it!  Andrea Woolf is at […]

  7. […] Relationship : What makes it work? ( […]

  8. […] Relationship : What makes it work? ( […]

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