I really liked this lady. Found her very friendly, charming and easygoing. She was so much fun to be with, real friend material. We started hanging out a lot together…and then it happened for the first time, she lied for no proper reason. It was a shocker for me because there was no need to lie in that situation but she did it. Then eventually a pattern appeared. She just lies, reason or no reason!
First it did put me off and I thought of just maintaining my distance but then I understood that this lady is also seeking a friend. She is lonely and slowly understood the reason for people walking away from her. She complained about the world being devoid of genuine people, without understanding the simple equation of her getting back what she is throwing at the world. She has no clue why people are trying to get as far as possible from her. This lady needed help!
She just isn’t able to STOP herself and as she lacks insight in her own self, consequently there is no reason to work on it in her life. In her perception the problem lies with the world and she honestly feels that people are not being straightforward. In a lot of texts this kind of problem is often referred to as compulsive lying or pseudologia fantastica.
The major issue with this condition is the inability to understand that there is a problem. It starts as a non conflicting way of getting what you want but slowly a person loses all sense of honesty. The person starts living in a fake world which is weaved by his or her own lies which in their minds is the reality of this world.
Does that mean the person is happy in this self made world?
The answer is NO!
A person who is used to compulsive lying is a very lonely and sad person. Because of the uncontrolled behavior, there is a dearth of people who even want to be with them. They hurt people and as a result have no real friends or loved ones. It is not that these people don’t want love or relationships, on the contrary they yearn for meaningful relationships and feel frustrated when unable to do so.Sometimes because of their uncontrollable behavior they are also not able to hold a job
The reasons of getting into this pattern could be numerous. It may be a disturbed childhood, positive reinforcement to petty lying, need for approval, trying to create an ideal image and so on. The problem begins when you stop lying by yourself and it just starts governing you. You see yourself lying and you seriously aren’t able to do anything about it as it is beyond YOU!
The first step towards recovery is Acceptance! If you’re the person dealing with it, accept it and if it is a friend, have the talk.
The next step is to seek a therapist. I am from the school of thought which strongly believes that whatever is learnt, COULD ALSO BE VERY WELL UNLEARNT!
Related articles
- P is for Pseudologia Fantasica (mommasmoneymatters.com)
- The Confessions And Concerns Of A Liar (anotherhallucination.com)
- curse of the compulsive lies (ettheguy.wordpress.com)
Unwrapping Minds 
Comments on: "Why do people lie, when it is not even required?" (15)
Extremely well written . Loved reading it because its to the point and handled very sensitively.
I think the person who has got the habit of lying is because of his/her less self confidence.Aloofness from the society also helps in building this habit. Don’t take it otherwise and I am not sounding chauvinist but this habit I have found more in women rather than men.The reason being their less self confidence in our society.Girls in our societies are always dependent on others.Now the scenario is changing a lot.But still a long way to go.
I agree to some extent with you Avin but in my experience I have seen men being more smooth with it and thus difficult to catch.
As always another great article Naghma!
To some extent talking does help but what if the person does like to be confronted. What if he/she starts lying again to defend himself?
That is why there need to be the involvement of a professional therapist. If after the confrontation, still the person is not at a workable mode, you will have the satisfaction of at least being there. Trust me sooner or later, this person will thank you!
I discovered with my therapist I have ADHD. Ever since then my life, family, and friends have only gotten better. 🙂
Thanks Bob for the share…it opens a whole new aspect to this topic!
The moment I discovered I had ADHD, was the moment I stopped lying. I finally discovered what I was hiding from and lying to cover it up, even though I never knew it.
This is a great topic to write about. You have motivated me to blog something about this. I have previously written on ethics, and the construction of an ethical framework, but lying is much more simpler and perverse condition…hmmm….interesting article. thanks again.
M.
[…] Why do people lie, when it is not even required? (unwrappingminds.wordpress.com) […]
i want to thank this great temple for casting a love spell that brought back my ex-boyfriend in three days i really want to thank this temple drwesllyexbacktemple@ymail.Com thank you very much
I’ve had a friend. She was a lovely person, then I’ve discovered the terrifying truth. Everything she would say was a lie.I was shocked. I confronted her then she plainly escaped, she wasn’t able to explain herself. She hates me now, telling lies behind my back. I feel bad for her I miss her. I don’t know how to help her…
Hi Joshua, You’ve done your bit. She needs help but the insight need to come first.
I had a good friend, she was a lovely lady. Until one day I realized everything she said was a lie. It was shocking. I confronted her. She would just run away without even trying to explain herself. I distanced myself from her, she hates me now. Telling lies about me to others. I really feel bad about her, I miss her…
Why don’t you try and talk to her Joshua. It would be advisable to bring in an objective person as a mediator.