From the desk of a psychologist!

Posts tagged ‘Anger’

Partial Acceptance

If you’ve read my posts, you would know I am a firm believer in the first step of acceptance.

For any change in us, we need to ACCEPT that there is a need for change.      

For any growth in us, we need to ACCEPT that there is a need for growth.

For any desire in us, we need to ACCEPT the need for it.

Even for being at the same place, we need to ACCEPT that we are happy with our present state.

So, acceptance is the key but what is acceptance?

You’ll say when you realize and give your approval to a particular situation or thing. And it is so right, when we start gaining  insight of a situation. It starts from becoming uncomfortable with a certain thing/ situation, realizing that something is not right and some work need to be done.

Analyze the situation, understand the issue and then accept that we need to change!

A mother having problems with managing her child with a disorder, won’t be able to do the needful until she accepts that her child needs help. A marital problem can’t be sorted until the people involved accept that there is a problem in their relationship. You’ll only be happy if you accept your original self with your challenges and strengths.

As an individual, when do you feel complete and secure. When you accept yourself as you are without any ifs and buts but is it so simple to achieve?

We struggle with the acceptance with our excuses and reasoning. We accept our challenges but not fully and consequently our work with  them is also partial. We like to go for partial acceptance because it allows us to live in a fake world without dealing with our inner conflict. This also makes us look for recognition from others, makes us lose confidence in ourselves. We stop the process of growth because we start living in the denial of there is no room for improvement.

Think about it, when was the last time you accepted something without any buts. If you are honest to yourself, you’re going to have a problem in recollecting it. May be you were fully accepting but that lasted for some time and if the time length was long the acceptance was not 100%. The moment you start having problems with acceptance, your growth goes through a downfall. You start putting your reasoning and stop the process.

So, what is the way of working on acceptance?

Be honest to yourself and embrace yourself the way you are. There is no place for bargaining. The moment you’ll surrender you will see the possibilities. You enable yourself by giving the strength of acceptance and working on your limitations.

For eg., Tina needs to work on her empathy. She realized that  a lot of time she is insensitive to people’s emotions. In the beginning she had issues in accepting her insensitiveness. Whenever she tried, her brain told her yes you did cross the line but what about certain situations where you were not so bad. This struggle went on for a while, until she realized she really need to do something about her situation, otherwise would end up as a loner. She understood her need to surrender to her insensitiveness, which in turn will help her accept it and work on it.

Until you live in denial you are snatching opportunities from yourself for growth. You’ll keep on fighting acceptance of your challenges and would fail in leading a contended life leading to restlessness and confusion. You’ll try to find the answers without any success.

Do remember acceptance is a process and need to be worked on everyday basis. If you are ready for being a better individual come out of your partial acceptance mirage and then you’ll see there is no limit for growth!

“Self-acceptance comes from meeting life’s challenges vigorously. Don’t numb yourself to your trials and difficulties, nor build mental walls to exclude pain from your life. You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.” – J. Donald Walters

Advertisements

Anger Management in early years

This is not one of my articles but some ways I have collated from different sources. I have found them really effective and would like to share it with all of you. Feel free to add tips which have worked with you or you’ve seen them working on others.

We all need to learn to express anger in a productive way instead of holding it in or lashing out at others. But how do you teach a child, especially one who is all emotion all the time, to react in a productive way when her feelings overwhelm her?

Consider these tips :

1. Teach that Anger is Okay, But Not Violence It’s one of the most unsettling emotions a parent can deal with, but many agree that a child’s anger is as natural as love or happiness. However, it’s tricky to try to teach the under-five set that while it is okay to feel mad, there are good and bad ways to deal with it.

2. Watch Your Own Temper Parents who scream and swear every time a driver cuts them off en route to school or yells at another mom in the school registration line can expect their child to handle their anger much the same way. “It is not easy, but if we are not able to do it ourselves, how can we expect a five-year-old to deal with his anger?”

3. Teach Them to Take Breaks or Walk Away A mom’s instinct is to protect her children. So it’s hard not to feel sorry if your child has been wronged. But moms/adults need to teach their children that they can’t get back at the offender with certain behaviors such as biting, hitting or swearing. What could we do [to make it right]?’ That gets a child thinking, rather than simply reacting.” A good strategy is to teach them to walk away if a child is lashing out in anger, and go tell mummy/teacher that he/she was angry and he/she needed help.

4. Give Them Words to Express Feelings Preschool-aged kids need to discover the right words to express their feelings, but the adults need to show them how.

5. Keep Outbursts in Perspective If you want to help your child learn to express himself and his anger more effectively, understand they he is trying to learn by testing limits

. 6. Help Them Feel Safe Anger is often justified, but your role is to help your child find a safe way and a safe place to express his feelings of frustration. “

Tag Cloud