From the desk of a psychologist!

Posts tagged ‘Emily Dickinson’

Relieve the Pain

The final step, in the series of pain, after Feel the Pain & Live the Pain!

As Tina started processing the power of feeling your pain and accepting it, she empowered herself to relieve it.

She started relating to Tess, who shared “Accept the emotional pain for what it is, generally, “a Deeply Wounded Soul”. Hug, understand, empathize and nurture the “child” for the “wounded soul” is, or becomes that of “a child”. “The Wounded Child” needs to know that someone cares and is watching out for it, it is terrified. “The Wounded Soul” desires to be free of the fear and sorrow. It is desperate to feel safe and secure, so much so that it may be “clingy”. If the “Wounded Soul” is accepted, understood and valued as an authentic entity, “The child” may find that instead of wanting to hide in a cave or under blankets, that it is safe to go outside for a short period and engage with the world.”

It is a beautiful representation of the fact that the more you’ll run away from the emotion called ” pain”, you’ll give it power to stop your life. You’ll make it more monstrous with each passing day.

Tess also shared, “With time and patience “the Emotional Pain” may slowly, shed the dark tentacles that bind its body, and seek the warmness of the sun. Do not fight the Emotional Pain, embrace it, let it wash over you, and know that You are in Control. Claiming life back is a step by step process.

While researching about this complex phenomenon I found myself a little lost. I asked you all to help and you happily obliged.Thank you for your time and valuable contribution by filling the questionnaire. From your responses, research and my experience with individuals, here is an attempt to start relieving the pain:

1. Pain is a process and it takes its own sweet time: The power of understanding and making yourself come to terms with the fact that you can’t hurry a process, takes away the pressure from your back. If you’re going through pain you have to take the course and this journey varies for individuals.

The path is not easy as Phal Naap shares, ” Pain is enveloping and deadening. If you don’t deal with it, it deals with you in ways that lead to more depression = emotional pain. Pain changes even the perception of time so that minutes feel like hours and hours pass by in minutes. That is, your emotional day goes on a long time yet the day is over before you know it. ”
What should I do then? Phal has also addressed it by saying, “You have to fight the blunting of emotions or you get taken over by it and sit in a recursive fog of increasing pain and loneliness.

The poet, Emily Dickinson, described it:
Pain — has an Element of Blank —
It cannot recollect
When it begun — or if there were
A time when it was not —
It has no Future — but itself —
Its Infinite contain
Its Past — enlightened to perceive
New Periods — of Pain.

2. Get rid of the illogical thought that pain is a defect, which should be eliminated

In pursuing our misunderstood goal of getting rid of pain, we fail in finding the real solution to it. Somewhere when we feel pain, we feel guilty of somehow being responsible for causing it. We need to challenge this thought and understand that pain is an indicator of what is happening inside us and needs attention.

As Ginny beautifully put it,  “To face the pain puts a name on it, identifying what it is you are feeling. Forward thinking to alleviate can then be pursued. ”

3. Nurture your mindset:

 David shares,It’s signaling something, and it’s worth trying to figure out what.” Whenever we are going through pain, there must be a turbulence going inside us. Some thoughts must be stopping us to relieve the pain, we need to figure it out and change our unhealthy mindset.

Sona says, ” if one will not react to the pain the way he/she feels relaxed, then either the person will become mad or very insecure or may be some other reaction.”

4. Tune into your Inner self:

“Every time you deal with pain you get an insight into yourself and it brings you in touch with your deep inner self. Anything not dealt with escaping the issue, not solving it. You can only emerge out of that painful situation if you deal with it. And the insight that you get makes you emerge stronger, happier and a more confident person.” An anonymous sharer but an important one. Whatever doesn’t destroy you, makes you stronger.

Now, there is a difference between turning to inner self as a strength and turning pain inward. While the former can ease you out of your pain, the latter could kill you. Be very careful and understand the difference.

5. Be comfortable with yourself: 

One of the things which could make relieving pain an easy task is, being happy with who you are, and not what people think you are. Sometimes due to various societal pressures we fake our personalities. we try to act as someone totally different from who we really are.

6. Build your pain threshold:

This one came from one of the strongest at the same time a very sensitive person I have known in my life.

This strategy is really going to be very useful for all the sensitive people ,” One has no option but to face pain but people deal with it in different ways. Facing pain is inevitable and therefore important, as it is one of the main ingredients that make our emotional profile. There are two ways of dealing with the pain, one which is healthy and helps to restore our emotional equilibrium and the other that destroys it. So again, everyone has to deal with pain when they are faced with it but it is important to deal with it in a way that one doesn’t lose one’s sanity. One has to experience intense pain to recognize that there is a tipping point beyond which one loses all control of the ‘better senses’. Such people, in-spite of best intentions, usually end up depending on someone else to help them from falling off the brink or to bring them back from the depths. So I would say that as much as it is important to face and deal with the pain it is more important to prepare a strong emotional threshold which will help to maintain stability of the mind.”

7. Understand the source of pain and learn from it: 

“I think it’s important to understand where your pain is coming from and how to deal with it.  I’m currently suffering from an anxiety disorder, and ignoring the problem was making it worse.  I’ve been going to a therapist to help me find ways to break its grip.  Good luck… I know how much it hurts.  :-/” Simon states a very relevant fact you need to find out the source and learn as an individual how you react and respond to certain stimuli.

Paul says, ” Face and deal, especially when I am creating the whole thing. Find out what the lesson is.”

8. Who are you…what works for you: 

When I was going through the responses of so many people, I understood one thing, every person has their own way of going through the steps of Pain. You need to feel, live and relieve it but how you’re going to do it totally depends on you. It may be one, a combination or all of them;

  • Talking to friends
  • Crying it out
  • Finding a hobby
  •  Turning to the inner self or a higher power for help
  • Finding a therapist
  • Exercise/ yoga
  • Journal or diary writing
  • Cherish small joys
  • Don’t get on the web of negative/ terrifying thoughts
  • Be creative and develop your own way

According to Tess, ” Other utensils of help, may include, safe distractions, gentle games, arts & craft, massages , meditation, exercise of choice whether yoga or dance therapy, art therapy, sport, enhancing oneself with knowledge, keeping oneself occupied, whatever suits the adrenaline of the person. Usually, a handful of tools are more successful that one alone. It is a life dance, and the creativity of its development is to subtly transform and alter the steps of the dance throughout”

As Jcs has shared, ” Sometimes; depends on the situation. Sometimes facing the pain causes it to become worse through ruminating, focusing, obsessing, etc. Other times denial is inappropriate. Also depends on individual differences, temperament, reward-processing style. ”

9. Last but not the very bit least…LET GO

I would like to conclude this topic with a very relevant sharing by Mr. Qais, ” The burden of pain shouldn’t be carried too long as it shifts our focus from the important things in life and the most important one of them is “Time”. Our time in this world is limited and we must make the best use of it.” Cheers for this lovely thought!

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