From the desk of a psychologist!

Posts tagged ‘Extraversion and introversion’

What to knit your life with?

Have you ever felt drained sitting next to a person while some just refreshes you?

Life is simple ; each individual is unique, no two can be the same . A logical question should be “Why are we called social animals then?”

It’s the connections we have with individuals at various levels. We humans have social needs which are fulfilled by these connections. But the million dollar question is could you fill all these places with any random person? To answer this  I have to ask you one thing, could you put any piece to a puzzle and make a sane picture?

There is a  click with some people and it has nothing to do with how similar you are . You connect  with someone and find that person fulfilling a certain social need of yours making you more contended and happy but that doesn’t mean he/she is the only one for all your needs. This person is just a part of a whole huge picture which is made of many such connections. You connect with someone as a friend, someone else on an intellectual level while someone looks after the call of your heart and so on. 

But there is also a major unsaid pressure from the society on us to form these connections. It is not necessary that at the beginning of our journey we would find the exact piece to fit in the puzzle of our life but when we see or assume these pieces fitting in other people’s life we force to fake these bonds. Our hunger for social satisfaction also forces us to make hurried decisions. We make friends with whom we aren’t comfortable, we become close to people with whom we have few/no things to celebrate about.

This pressure is on both introverts & extroverts. As an introvert, you are pushed to be with people, even if it drains you and you aren’t comfortable with them. You are refused to wait for beautiful connections to happen which makes you enjoy your solitude more and more. While an extrovert, due to his compulsion to be around people, finds lots of them but end up feeling still lonely most of the time.

This in place of making us more contended, takes away the zeal out of our life. The human threads which are supposed to support us actually burdens us. We forget our individuality and instead of growing start carrying baggages. Sometimes we find the bonds which make us stronger but lose them with time and in search of the same kind of support find people who are not our match.

If we are in such a kind of relationship, are we doing justice to it and the other person/s involved in it. I am sure he/she is tolerating us the same way, we are tolerating them in our lives. This whole arrangement is unhealthy. The beauty of relationships and human connection is lost. Wake up before it’s too late and you become responsible for either hurting someone or ruining your experience as a result. Wait for the right piece for your puzzle and trust me it is worth waiting!

Enjoy your solitude and grab opportunities to connect with people with similar thought processes or for that matter someone with whom you can just have FUN! Never rush yourself, everything has a time. When we are waiting we feel that it is never going to end, this makes us impatient resulting in bad choices. But, that doesn’t mean that when something/ somebody does make sense, you still wait for the perfect one ( we all know no one/ nothing is  perfect). 

Life is all about trials & errors. Start living and exploring new human connections, even if it is not going to be your life altering relationship, it sure will teach you some new things.

“We are all so much together, but we are all dying of loneliness.”
― Albert Schweitzer

Introverts: Myths & Facts

Being a psychologist from almost a decade now and a good part having been spent with kids, often I have been faced with this concern, ” My child is an introvert, how could I fix  him/her? I don’t really know whether it is our country or a global phenomenon, but my answer of “there is nothing wrong with being an introvert” is never enough. So, when I came to this post by an amazing, intelligent, sharp, introvert friend of mine, I HAD to share it.

Some Myths about Introverts. Super Interesting ! and Super True !

From: http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk. This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy. Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude. Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people. On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public. Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone. Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird. Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds. Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun. Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts. A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

For all the beautiful minds there, I know you already know this but a confirmation is never bad!

P.S. I wanted to put a nice, happy picture of an introvert but Google went with the general perception. Found thousands of sad, depressed pictures of introverts which made me feel sorry even for the Google guys 😉 God, show them the right path…Amen!

Effective Parenting- Introduction

I just told a friend that I am thinking of writing about parenting & her concern of ” Is it going to be something new or research from the internet?”, made me realize that if I want my blog to be alive I need to write my experience and hands on solutions. So, here am I with my take on what an effective parenting needs to be like!

Parenting is a very heavy word which is becoming heavier with each passing day. If you’re a parent, I am sure you must have had your share of concerns, anxiety & stress. I personally believe that God has given most of us the ability to bring life to this earth but a few of us work on being a good parent. It is actually quite simple, as an individual we all go through different experiences and develop a personality, we carry this to our various roles of life. These traits helps us in being successful in some roles of life and in some they come as a hindrance.

Now, when we become a parent, these traits stay with us. Sometimes our role as a parent and our personality traits go in conflict. Here our flexibility as an individual plays a vital role. We need to mold ourselves according to the demand of the situation, time and need of the issue. Often being a success in one role makes it difficult for us to accept that there could be a problem in our role as a parent. I remember Mr. R telling me, ” How could I have a problem in dealing with my daughter, when my whole staff swears by my way of working?” . We need to accept that all of us have our days, some days we ace the art of parenting and in few cases it is fine to understand that we could have done better.

In our culture, there is a major shift happening. Women are coming out of the closet and rapidly proving themselves in the professional world. It is a great achievement but at the same time they are carrying a lot of ” Working Mothers Guilt“. Because they are not being physically available to their kids, they start fulfilling even the unfair demands of the kids.  Then we also have the opposite  where to make role model , they overdo the strictness. If we look into it where is all this behavior coming from? I think the major reason for most of our behavior is ” SOCIETAL PRESSURE“.

One of my friend shared with me that, ” My daughter is sharp but is too shy to prove herself.” I also know this girl and believe me, she is an intelligent one with a lot of talents but an INTROVERT. My question is who has decided that being  an introvert is not the right thing? I have seen the constant comparison of this girl with other kids and the pressure she has to go through to come out of her shell. My point it ” LEAVE HER ALONE,  SHE”LL BE FINE.”

As parents we need to keep on reminding ourselves that ” ALL CHILDREN ARE DIFFERENT”.

This topic is vast,  today we have started it and would continue with frequent posts on it. I would request you all to send me your feedback and questions so that it can be given a proper direction and be helpful.

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