From the desk of a psychologist!

Posts tagged ‘Feelings’

Indisciplined Demons

 

If we don’t shape our kids, they will be shaped by outside forces that don’t care what shape our kids are in. ~ Dr. Louise Hart

This lead to me reading and working on understanding discipline and annotating it in a positive aspect. Authors, Psychologists,Researchers have shared their profound knowledge & experience with us. They have provided us with various ways for positive discipline. It is definitely insightful and empowering, gearing up with these useful tools.

Parents & educators feel ready & groomed to take the plunge. They, equipped with their new found understanding  start implementing these strategies to the tee but most of the time their skills & efforts go in vain. The real change in behaviour is a far cry from the expected guaranteed one. Often blame goes to the expert but the simple reason is our naivety in not being conscious of the relevant protocol.

Read books with a plethora of strategies and ways to positively discipline your kids or students but realized a major ingredient of a successful recipe missing from the best there. You expect individuals to implement the strategies but what happens to the flavors they are bringing with them. There can’t be a blank sheet as we are human beings with our individualities, our strengths & our challenges.

How do we expect to implement the strategies with our subjectivity?

Our life’s journey fill us up with resentments, anger, grief apart from tons of other emotions. We carry the baggage. If we aren’t able to identify and deal with the things in our baggage, our perspectives will be colored. We will deal with our children with these shaded emotions making the questionable behaviour worse if not better.

I feel the sharing on discipline and behaviour modifications are great but for doing so one needs to deal with one’s demons first. One has to think, if I have my own insecurities, how am I going to be non judgmental in my approach which is the biggest pillar of positive disciplining. hqdefault

I would say learn, imbibe, implement but be aware of your own challenges otherwise your education is futile. Your angels & demons live inside you, choose to excel or fail. When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.

“We like Batman – we understand him, we suffer with him. On the other hand, we want to be Superman. But they’re conflicting philosophies. Let’s bring them together in one movie and see how we, as an audience, wrestle with our inner demons.”-Wolfgang Petersen

 

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Upgrade your self!

I’m beautiful in my way
‘Cause God makes no mistakes
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way                                       199260_1944591455313_1258298182_32372566_4581018_n

I love this song. It sums it all. I am fine the way God has made me and should be proud of it.

Then why the world talks about changing? They say it’s never too late to change your life or your life doesn’t get better by chance, it gets better by change and so on.

When you think about it in this way it is confusing, you get entangled in your thoughts.

Actually it is quite simple. We all are born in a certain way ( which is beautiful & perfect) but we need up gradation.

Think of it as a software which is inbuilt in your system but needs constant update otherwise it will be obsolete. You need to imbibe change to stay away from spam and run antivirus regularly.

We are born perfect but in our journey of life we catch a lot of viruses. These corrupt the system, that is why the need of CHANGE is there.

As a child we are pure, perfect and that’s our true self. As we grow our values, beliefs & attitudes are altered through our life’s experiences. We keep on putting layers on our true selves to hide our insecurities & challenges.

It’s time to stop, reflect, get rid of the many layers ( viruses) and accept our true beautiful self.

Trust me nothing is going to be more EMPOWERING!

What to knit your life with?

Have you ever felt drained sitting next to a person while some just refreshes you?

Life is simple ; each individual is unique, no two can be the same . A logical question should be “Why are we called social animals then?”

It’s the connections we have with individuals at various levels. We humans have social needs which are fulfilled by these connections. But the million dollar question is could you fill all these places with any random person? To answer this  I have to ask you one thing, could you put any piece to a puzzle and make a sane picture?

There is a  click with some people and it has nothing to do with how similar you are . You connect  with someone and find that person fulfilling a certain social need of yours making you more contended and happy but that doesn’t mean he/she is the only one for all your needs. This person is just a part of a whole huge picture which is made of many such connections. You connect with someone as a friend, someone else on an intellectual level while someone looks after the call of your heart and so on. 

But there is also a major unsaid pressure from the society on us to form these connections. It is not necessary that at the beginning of our journey we would find the exact piece to fit in the puzzle of our life but when we see or assume these pieces fitting in other people’s life we force to fake these bonds. Our hunger for social satisfaction also forces us to make hurried decisions. We make friends with whom we aren’t comfortable, we become close to people with whom we have few/no things to celebrate about.

This pressure is on both introverts & extroverts. As an introvert, you are pushed to be with people, even if it drains you and you aren’t comfortable with them. You are refused to wait for beautiful connections to happen which makes you enjoy your solitude more and more. While an extrovert, due to his compulsion to be around people, finds lots of them but end up feeling still lonely most of the time.

This in place of making us more contended, takes away the zeal out of our life. The human threads which are supposed to support us actually burdens us. We forget our individuality and instead of growing start carrying baggages. Sometimes we find the bonds which make us stronger but lose them with time and in search of the same kind of support find people who are not our match.

If we are in such a kind of relationship, are we doing justice to it and the other person/s involved in it. I am sure he/she is tolerating us the same way, we are tolerating them in our lives. This whole arrangement is unhealthy. The beauty of relationships and human connection is lost. Wake up before it’s too late and you become responsible for either hurting someone or ruining your experience as a result. Wait for the right piece for your puzzle and trust me it is worth waiting!

Enjoy your solitude and grab opportunities to connect with people with similar thought processes or for that matter someone with whom you can just have FUN! Never rush yourself, everything has a time. When we are waiting we feel that it is never going to end, this makes us impatient resulting in bad choices. But, that doesn’t mean that when something/ somebody does make sense, you still wait for the perfect one ( we all know no one/ nothing is  perfect). 

Life is all about trials & errors. Start living and exploring new human connections, even if it is not going to be your life altering relationship, it sure will teach you some new things.

“We are all so much together, but we are all dying of loneliness.”
― Albert Schweitzer

Ten things I`ve learnt from being a WordPress blogger

I bumped into this article by accident but really liked it. What clicked was the honesty and the fact that more or less we are on the same boat. I am a new blogger but loving every minute of it. I found some things in this article very true. The thing, I was able to relate the most was the happiness a blogger receives with each click he gets on his/her article. It is also the contentment of recognition & feeling of worth.So, if like me, you too are a blogger…read on!

Ten things I`ve learnt from being a WordPress blogger

Feel the Pain

Let me introduce you to Tina. She is a perfectly healthy person, lively & someone whom we can easily relate to.

Now, the one thing which Tina has done to herself, over the years is distance herself from the mental state called “emotional pain” .Your question is going to be how? What Tina did, was from her childhood, she understood one thing that pain is a negative emotion. It leaves a lot of discomfort and uneasiness. So, when there used to be a situation in which she had to feel pain, she used to disconnect herself from it. Gradually, she reached a point where even if she wants to go through the pain she can’t because she has forgotten this whole emotion. She has started living in a fantasy world with no pain.

Obviously, your next thought is going to be : What’s wrong with it? She is living in a happy world.

Actually it is good to be happy but only if you’ve processed your feelings. If you have problems and you ignore them, as if they never existed, that is not going to make them disappear. It is only going to make you start living in a delusional world. The same happens when you run away from pain. We, humans are always looking for happiness and never ever take a back step to feel it, then why this fear of feeling pain?

Switching off your emotional pain receptors are not going to solve your problems. It will make the situation worse because there will be no insight of your real emotions. You’ll lose track with the real world. If there will be no acceptance of pain, there will not be any steps also taken towards mending it. Your emotional equilibrium will go out of your hands and then the appropriate reactions to situations will also be hampered.

We talk about being a caring and empathetic person but if you can’t feel a certain emotion, how could you help a loved one deal with the same. Tina really can’t help her friend, who is going through the pain of breakup, though she wants to. She herself doesn’t know how to deal with it, let alone help her friend. She is in a fix.

What I am trying to say here is whenever you go through the downs of life, let it be, feel the pain. It will make you stronger and emotionally healthier. A good way to express your pain could be:

http://www.wikihow.com/Express-Your-Emotional-Pain-the-Healthy-Way

In the end I want to say that we need to remember that our life is in phases. No emotion is going to stay with you forever. If you are going through pain right now, it is fine. Feel it and let you grow…This too shall pass!

Next Step: Live the Pain!

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