From the desk of a psychologist!

Posts tagged ‘Philosophy’

The simple choice of happiness- Part 2

While reading the spiritual section of my newspaper today, I came across this incredible concept of happiness/unhappiness genes. This was an article by Mr. Rajiv Vij. It made so much sense, forced me to revisit my approach in dealing with happiness.

Presenting my adaptation of happiness/unhappiness genes, which actually is a sequel of my earlier post; The simple choice of happiness!

According to this article, some people are born with the happiness gene. They do get affected by sad or unhappy incidents but that doesn’t mean they get stuck there. You must have met or know a person like that. It also makes you wonder, how does Mr. X remain so cheerful at all times? The reason is out now…Mr. X is one of the lucky few, who are born with the happiness gene.

But, what about the rest of us?

Mr. Vij has put our influences for happiness under five main categories, coined under the acronym of ‘ MOODS’.  Understanding these will definitely facilitate the concept of choosing happiness.

1. ME : ‘ ME’ is our self centered instincts to take things personally.

Remember the famous poster in almost every other room which used to state our basic attitude of ‘ WHY ME?’   

How many of us could actually say with full guarantee that we take criticism very positively? Leave alone criticism, even a casual remark brings millions of doubts in our mind. We question ourselves at every step of our life. It is also very difficult for us to take compliments genuinely. We are always doubtful. We are scared of our successes and failures.

In our strides we understate the successful or happy moments ( Trust me, we get ample of it)  but as soon as there are tough situations we exaggerate it, making our life look like a journey full of thorns. This leads to the next section of O.

Mr. Vij says that we are not unique in any situation, whatever happens to us is universal. I would also like to add that we need to accept the world of duality. Pleasant lies side by side with unpleasant moments.

2. OVERWHELMED: The tendency to get totally consumed by unpleasant events.

It’s interesting to observe how we separate our positives in life from the rest of the events while as soon as it is negative, it wraps our whole daily life. We become sad and insist to be counted as born unlucky. Even if something pleasant happens we stop ourselves from feeling the happiness.

I would say always remember that positive thoughts decreases in half, while negative thoughts increases in double fold. Try to isolate life events, don’t let them overlap. It is a conscious choice which requires everyday effort.

3. OBSESSIVE:  This is our strong need to be perfect.

As in one of my posts, what if…if only? I talked about having an imaginary perfect world. We keep on comparing our present  life with this imaginary world. Whatever we have got , we are not happy, as it is not perfect.

It’s simple, if you want to be happy and contented, stop looking for it. When you look for something, you always have set parameters, let go of your criteria.

4. DIY:  ‘Do It Yourself’ yourself. No one should know that we are dealing with a problem. This thought again emerges from thinking that we are unique in our experience. We take it as a personal defect if someone comes to know about our struggle. We like to indulge in our problem, maximizing it by not sharing it with anyone.

The best way to empower yourself is by accepting our problem and seeking help. This needs a lot of strength and courage.

5. Set in Stone: The innate belief that the effect of any negative event will last forever. It feels that the journey of our life will be stuck with the unpleasantness.

Our life is divided into phases. Change is the only constant, it is always the darkest before the dawn.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world – not even our troubles.
Charlie Chaplin

The world of duality: Coexistence of Good & Bad

 

The topic for this post came to my mind after the feedback I got on my earlier posts. They were in extremes. Either people loved it or disliked it completely. I would be honest and say it did hurt but then the positives were too strong to help me deal with the criticism. This whole process made me think about, if facing a bad feedback is so painful then why this painful emotion exists.

The answer lies in the Duality of this world. Nothing in this world exists without its opposite.

If there is GOOD, there is BAD;                              

If there is a DAY, there is NIGHT;

If there is SWEET, there is SOUR;

If there is SOFT, there is HARD;

If there is a FRIEND, there is a FOE;

If there is HAPPINESS, there is PAIN.

Our experiences with this dual world actually make us strong. The appreciation for the good things also comes when we go through the hard facts of life. How could you even imagine, dwelling in the sweetness of your success if you have never tasted failure or understanding peace with total absence of wars?

I have seen so many people ( and I’ll include myself in it), without complaining going through all the positive experiences in this world and the moment life presents them with a challenge, they say ‘ LIFE IS NOT FAIR.’ Actually it very much is, it is just that when we are going through the positive time flies, while going through pain, every minute seems like eternity. This makes us think that our life is full of only tough moments.

Duality exists within us too. No one is white or black. We all are grey. We are not totally good or bad but a mixture of both. We have our phases of light and darkness. We have our own share of right and wrong choices but that is the building block of who we actually are.

“In order to eat, you have to be hungry. In order to learn, you have to be ignorant. Ignorance is a condition of learning. Pain is a condition of health. Passion is a condition of thought. Death is a condition of life.”
― Robert Anton WilsonLeviathan

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