From the desk of a psychologist!

Posts tagged ‘Serenity Prayer’

What if…If only?

What is the main thing which comes between us and our happiness? What is it, which stops us from living our life to its fullest?

A simple imaginative ever going comparison of  What if…If only?

Human Beings have this imaginative perfect world in which everything is great ( that is why it is perfect…Duh!). Now, in the real world, they tend to compare everything & everybody with their imaginative perfect world. Nothing real, obviously, couldn’t reach anywhere close to their perfect world counterpart and even if it does, the rating scale again goes higher.

This is true for all of us. How many of us can deny that they don’t have their perfect world in which everything is according to them, no one is there to stop them. We could have a villa full of servants, a beautiful partner without any conditions or could be the ruler of this whole world.  We also have perfect situations in which we win all the arguments and every time we open our mouth something witty or sharp comes out of it. No one can make a fool of us or disrespect us.         

Even though we very well know that its a fake world but in our real world, there is always an unconscious comparison going on. For everything, our mind whispers, what if….if only? This stops us from accepting the reality or being grateful for what we have but actually makes us unhappy, complaining and a cribber.

There is a very thin line between, when we dream of something and it is achievable and we aim for it and those situations which are beyond us. In these situations if we bring out what if…if only, it is only going to flood our lives with regret.  A very good way of judging whether you are crossing the boundary is checking with The Serenity Prayer. It’s the best tool to be as worldly spiritual as possible.

It’s simple, if you want to be happy and contented, stop looking for it. When you look for something, you always have set parameters, let go of your criteria.

You’ll find that happiness is right there, where you are!

“Happiness is making a bouquet of those flowers within reach.” – Unknown

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Relationship : What makes it work?

Relationship: is an association between two or more people that may range from fleeting to enduring. This is a definition I got from the internet which actually describes the crux of relationships, but as an individual surrounded by it, we know it is not this simple.

“The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships. “- Anthony Robbins.

In other words, our relationships make us, who we really are! I have read somewhere this amazing comparison; Just as ants make anthills, human beings makes relationships.

All of us crave to make the most of each and every relationship in our life; be it a friend, coworker, family or a loved one. We try and try, most of the time oblivious to what exactly we are working on?      

We work really hard on different relationships and our roles in them. We try to be or get the best possible outcome from these relationships. It is what makes our support system, gives us strength to deal with life issues and be sane. But, have we ever wondered what is the source of having what we call as ‘Ideal Relationship’ ?

As I have already shared, It begins with You!

For the success of any relationship, we need to begin from within. Have you ever even considered a possibility of a relationship with yourself?

Working on our inner turbulence, the miscommunications and disparity of thoughts within ourselves. Have you ever heard more than one voice coming from inside you and sometimes it has reached to a level of chaos? Is there a problem cropping up in your relationships, which reappears even after great effort from your behalf? Are your relationships making you emotionally exhausted and you find yourself craving for space?

If these questions make you stop & think, then it is the time to reflect on your relationship with yourself.

Is this even makes sense because if we go by the definition, it clearly states that a relationship is only possible when more than one person is involved. But, let’s look at where is all this originating from? Isn’t it from a relationship we have so far conveniently ignored?

The way we treat ourselves, if someone else treats us even 1/10oth of that, we would kill that person! We have never given ourselves equal rights, let alone the privilege of a relationship. Imagine someone you won’t even give a second glance, you actually place yourself in the same category.

You are seeking answers in this world but the truth is, it lies within yourself. You’ll listen to anyone and everyone but would certainly make your inner voice shut.

Let’s get back to the Serenity Prayer, the only thing which we can change in this world is ourselves but sadly we spend most of our lives changing others. We keep on doing so ignoring the need to work on the relationship which could yield results.

Break the dynamics of any relationships ( as also shown in the picture) and you would find that the things which need to be worked on to achieve optimal relationship status is a quality you either need to change or inculcate.

Let’s give it a try. Start building relationship with oneself. Take some time out…Say hello to yourself. Let the journey begin!

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with. “-  Wayne W. Dyer

Life is fun…Live it!

If you are an adult of this planet, I think this post needs your attention. All of us, in our everyday’s hustles are slowly forgetting  about the beautiful journey we are in, called LIFE. We are so stuck up with the smaller issues in life that we are not giving ourselves permission to look into the bigger picture.

All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.” William Shakespeare

We are actors with our different roles which we need to act with a touch of detachment but is it really happening?

Honestly, how many of us can actually raise our arms and say that we are not attached to the roles we play whether its professional or personal. We carry the roles with us as a baggage. The baggage keeps on becoming heavier and heavier but we refuse to let go of it.

 

 

 

 I am not saying stop playing your part but what I am trying to convey here is you need to also remember that all these roles are temporary.Take some time out and enjoy the beautiful journey of life. The ride can get bumpy sometimes, but it is okay…let it be!

If the life you are leading now is what you wanted all along and you are happy; you’re right on track but if it is different then you need to sit back and reflect.

Where did it go wrong? When was the last time I actually had fun? A lot of you are going to think if we are going to have fun, who will do the work? Are you doing things you like doing or are you wasting the precious time of your life?

I am not advocating procrastination of work but I am trying to make you understand the importance of taking some time out to care for yourself. Self care is the most under hyped thing in this world. Once somebody shared this with me, which till date I am not able to forget:

” The way we treat ourselves, if somebody else will treat us even close to that way; we will kill the person”

Why the moment we think about ourselves, we start feeling guilty? Especially in Indian culture, which is based on the tradition of sacrifices, the mere thought of thinking about yourself is being selfish. We keep on doing our duties but at the same time crib and complain so much, that at the end our lives become nothing else but a complaint box. We love to find faults with everything else but refuse to see the change we could make. Fine, there is a problem but does that means we should stop our life there only?

Come out of your ifs and buts. Be positive!It is time. Think about a positive person in your life and how you crave to the company of his. Don’t think about things you can’t change or control and if you’ve a problem with it please refer to the Serenity Prayer. I always refer to it and guess what, it works!

Remember our slam books from childhood which talked about hobbies and we used to happily fill it with different activities. What about now? Any idea what a hobby is?

All of us are different and so the solution is also going to be different. Find something which really refreshes you; it can be as simple as following your favorite nonsense sitcom. Life is too heavy, don’t make it unbearable. Get out of your cocoon and start living it. Even if you’ve a major share of problems to deal with; trust me a little fun is not gonna do any harm.

If you are a person you want to live life by going back to the cocoon, do that. There are no written rules of how to live life. Until & unless you are not hurting yourself or someone else you are on the right track. You just need to be honest to yourself, the rest of the world will take care of itself 🙂

As the Unwritten song by Natasha Bedingfield  beautifully sums it:        

 

Drench yourself with words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten.

 

For a change, be selfish and think about yourself, be stupid, funny, laugh, cry, hug, jump…LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!

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